i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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