It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
