her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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