Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
