ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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