maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
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