the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
