My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize