I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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