i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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