there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
