If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
