Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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