**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
