She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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