wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
