if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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