Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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