i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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