I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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