my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Randomize