so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
