Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize