She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
