I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Randomize
