dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize