i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
