I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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