I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
