How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Randomize
