So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
