Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
