it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
