She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
