im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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