i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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