Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
