some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
As shirtless as possible
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
