You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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