whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
