shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
