So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
