This is not my ceiling
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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