After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
