Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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