And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
