Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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