Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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