never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
