I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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