Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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