What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
