Is it because I queefed?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
