I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
All the doctor said was why
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
