Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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