your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
