Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
