Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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