He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
