My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
