Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
