i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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