My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
