i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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