they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
