Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
