what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
