What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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