billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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