i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
organizing the empties. That sober.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
