i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
oh god the rape fog is back!
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
