They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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