Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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