I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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