Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
