At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
