hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
organizing the empties. That sober.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
A bitchslap is in order.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
