I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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