I am midnight drunk by noon
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
