Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
