Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize