Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
