I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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