dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
