so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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