mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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