I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Randomize
