I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
