is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
