So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
