I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
