If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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