apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize