Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
