hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
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