May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
