remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
