It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
