I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Never let your siblings swipe right.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
