normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
