Her vagina should come with caution tape.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
