like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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