sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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