guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
How naked do you want me to be?
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