i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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