return my video game
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Randomize
